I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
