We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
