sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
