she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
