Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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