life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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