he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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