The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
