So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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