All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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