the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
