sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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