Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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