So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They took my balls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
