Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
