So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
