my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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