I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
