The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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