Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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