remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
