Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
