She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
