I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
