Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
