the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
