There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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