i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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