If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
