I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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