he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
