I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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