I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
