This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
