the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You need a sexual gate keeper
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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