Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
