before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
