I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
