She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
