He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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