ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
