please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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