i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
