drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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