the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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