yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
