So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
