Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
