we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
