And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
