Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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